Do not take ‘starters’; never go for that yummy chicken kebabs at the beginning of your meal. Neither have that delectable orange blossom before you eat your tandoori-rotis.

Instead, have the kebab or the tandoor-items along with your main courses. Like rotis with dal-makhni and chicken sheikh kebab. Please keep in mind that our restaurants often want us to take non-veg curry items to cheat us of the real meat. They grate everything in the curries thus cutting costs. Always take a non-veg starter along with your main dishes, never as a starter.

Avoid salads for they are mostly kept in the open in the dirty kitchens and thus are well marinated with the bacteria-filled saliva of non-discerning flies. & of course, they cost a world. So let your urge to eat greens in a restaurant be confined to taking green chillis and pieces of lime.

In spite of the incessant request of caring waiters and floor personell, don’t overorder for God’s sake. When you finish the rotis, or the rice or that hakka noodles, only then order for more. Food in hotels seems less when ordering but on the table they generally ultimately go to waste!

Last but not the least, do yourself a favor and never order soft-drinks and ice-cream or kulfi at restaurants. They give you bad quality stuff and charge tones. A good cup-ice-cream may cost just Rs 10/- outside but you may be billed Rs 50/- by the hotel. So if you want to have desserts, then go have them from some outside, non-taxing shop.

Now get the bill & see how much you have saved!

This is written for an Indian family where none drinks. But the general principles hold true for anyone anywhere.

a) Stop eating out…eating out damages your health and forces you to spend more than you ever imagined. (Just add up all the moolah you doled out to restauranters and you’ll know what I mean. You need to put pen to paper. Otherwise you’d not really know.)

b) Switch that cell off…talking endlessly on your cell phone burns a bigger hole in your pocket than you’d think possible…use the net & write long emails.

c) Exercise a bit more, eat a bit less…these two life-style changes will go a long way in protecting you from various diseases and save on those bills to the doc and medicines. Downsizing calorific intake has been shown to prolong life. But don’t overdo it, you’ll starve or look like on those unfortunate anorexic kids walking the ramp.

d)  Keep buying Rs 500/- worth of Mutual Fund units. Now the Sensex is low, you can make a killing…try to buy a small amount of MF every month. This way you’ll be able to beat inflation.

e) & stop going out for expensive movies at Multiplexes. Wait for the DVD’s or CD’s to be out and then see them at home. Better still wait for the movie to be shown on the telly.

Hard times are ahead and if you take it easy now, you’re gonna fry, buddy…so just start on a plan to secure your future.

Be content with your spouse or your fiancé. The trouble is that we are afraid to dialogue. We never tell another human being our deepest longings. & thus starts, what philosophers call, alienation. May be, we fool ourselves, there is a better human being who will understand us ( read become more like us, for that is the most flattering), a better person than the one we are with who will be more handsome, more pretty et al. Believe you me, this is all load and nonsense. Try every trick in the book before you even glance at another woman or man. I believe in the power of monogamous relationships to transform our lives. Just remember: everyone gets old, and all wine ultimately becomes old wine…if you can’t be in a long term relationship, then you need help. Notwithstanding what fancy psychologists tell you: having affairs is never good for either the mind or the body. Don’t forget, the AIDS virus is out there looking for easy prey.

Never spend more than 75% of your monthly income. Put the first 25% in savings in the beginning of the month and then spend on everything including bills. Read my earlier post on how to get rich on middle-class wealth. Never keep urgently required money in equities. The stock prices may have plummeted when you need the moolah the most!

Never ever post personal information on the net. People should not be able to get to you through online information strewn in the wild. Be careful before you share your address and most importantly: phone numbers. Oh, touchy issue here; never use web-cams to chat with strangers. Your face can be morphed with undesirable fake body parts and this new picture can swamp the net. Be very careful.

Having talked about relationships before; never be ever in a hurry to marry. The old saying: Marry in haste and repent later is very apt. Take all the time in the world to marry, but once married, think not of divorce. Divorce, studies show, ruins everything: health, the spirit and finances. Elopements sound adventurous but suck in the long run. Marriages are between families, communities and not merely between two people. So one should marry not entirely forgetting one’s folks. How is it possible for someone to reject one’s dad of say 30 years for a girl one knows for 5 years? By the same logic, it is possible for this guy to reject his newly-wed wife for someone newer. Thus starts the evil cycle.

Never, I repeat never, give up those small bits of exercise that you do. Housework, walking cycling and playing tennis. Till the day you die keep on running like Forrest Gump. That way you’d be spared of so many fatal diseases. Just keep on moving.

a) Add raw onion and a clove of garlic to your main meal. Your mouth will stink, yet home-wisdom sings the paean of this simple meal. You will be saved sunstrokes. Of course, you already know that you should not eat all that oil you used for cooking in the winter but it is all right to go hyper with the home-made red chilli paste. The latter aids digestion where there is humid heat.

b) Juice up on the easy to make water-melon juice. Drink the pulp too and when outdoors, take it straight from a pre-cooled bottle. Add sugar to taste. Try out also drinking lime water and oh! Avoid caffeine in the form of cokes, coffee and chocolates. Better drink coconut water than any bottled drink. Coconut water has the needed potassium and sodium to keep you doing the rounds even in this heat.

c) Take mangoes at breakfast. They are energy store - houses. Beware if you are a diabetic , then this won’t do.

d) Add tamarind to your food…they soothe the body during blistering heat waves. At 45degree Celsius I survived on fish cooked in mustard oil and tamarind juice.

e) Simple wisdom, hardly ever followed, use an umbrella and cover your face with a wet handkerchief when out at 2pm. And then cover every inch of your body…no sunscreen works.

Disclaimer: I am no doctor and as such my advice should not be taken with the same seriousness as a medico’s . But I have survived many harrowing summers when the sun shot above 50 degrees Centigrade by following the above. Try them; you will live to walk another noon.

Most tabloids and finance-magazines target only the super-rich. Folks who earn within Rs. 10,000 to Rs. 20,000 per month are not even considered by most financial experts. Ironically, this group is the one who needs financial advice the most. The following five steps are ways I believe that anyone on a meager income have some financial security and even affluence over the long term. There are four aspects I have especially kept in mind for such investors.

i) They do not have enough money to gamble with shares. I do not call them risk-averse because they simply do not have surplus income…

ii) Medical expenses over the years just eat away their savings and force them into debt.

iii) Retirement is often stressful with pensions unable to meet financial demands.

iv) House-building loans hound most even after retirement.

I presume your earnings to be Rs 10,000 per month with no other income at all.

I also presume that you are thirty now and thee are at least two dependants you have to look after.

a) Buy a family mediclaim with at least 1 lakhs’ cover each. The best buy for middle-class people in India remains the New India Assurance company. After all the government does generally pay up and take lesser premiums. Medical insurance is the first necessity. Chances are that you will not die as fast as get ill horribly. Add an accident rider to your policy.

b) Endowment policies and other life-insurance policies which combine an element of investment are thought to be bad for the investor. But I hold it true that for people who should not and cannot afford to take risks, it is better to have safe endowment policies. Again I would anytime prefer LIC than any private company. Also save the money for the policy per month in a savings account and pay the premium at one go. Monthly installments for paying up premium increase the total premium amount.

c) Put in at least Rs 500/- per month without failure in your local Public Provident Fund account. Just get into the habit of doing so and forget the money. After 15 years you will have a small eggs’ nest. Also that adds up to Rs 6000/- saved in tax deductions.

d) Every month invest only Rs 500/- through Systematic Investment Plan ( SIP ) in any one good Mutual Fund. Make sure it is an ELSS fund. They have a lock-in period of three years and at the same time are funds which can be shown on your tax-deduction slips.

e) Lastly, if you have to take a loan for anything including house-building loans, take it from nationalized banks after thorough searches about the best rates. The look of the banks may not be good but their rates are often more suitable to small customers. Generally over a spectrum of similar financial services, nationalized banks have lesser hidden costs than private banks.

Disclaimer:

The advice here is purely personal and liable to fail. Invest at your own risk…

Image: Thanks for the pic ! 

In many parts of the world where hitherto arranged marriages were reserved for those who failed to find their own matches, arranged marriages are making a come-back. In the African and Asian subcontinents, arranged marriages are the norm. In fact, normal marriages where spouses choose each other on the basis of love are often rejected as frivolous in many societies. Each system of marriage has its own pros and cons and the debate regarding which is the better option will never be over. Instead of going into the dynamics of an arranged marriage, I’d rather tell you hot to avoid some human thorns which might be hiding somewhere.

1.) If you are a woman and the guy or his folks ask you what are your qualifications, then it is tolerable and normal questioning in these circumstances. But become alert the moment you are asked to sing, dance or in anyway exhibit yourself. These folks will later on treat you as a family trophy. God help you, if you ever fall ill and refuse that song which your mom-in-law loves to hear in company. So my advice is: Run from such a family.

2.) When you meet your spouse, for once lie to know the truth about her or him. Before you do so I suggest you read Robert Browning’s My Last Duchess. Read it till you understand what is happening there. Then the lies will become glib and will sound real. Tell your would be groom or bride that you had sex, affairs and what not J with so many. Say that you love to flirt with others. Mind you, you must observe the other person’s facial expressions. Too casual, the fellow’s a lech, surely. Too serious, become weary; you may be talking with a psycho. The normal reactions range from a breakdown to anger and if the guy is good forgiveness. Then tell him the truth — why you said what you said. Refer him to my blog. Jokes apart, be very sensitive to the nuances of your woman or man while you try to provoke jealousy. This is very crucial to any marriage. Jealousies end good marriages. See Omkara & Othello.

3.) Go out quite a few times with your intended and try to quietly discuss your future and his futures. See whether they match. Talk out future career plans. If you are a very well organized man and she is not so at all, then there will be major friction down the line. So talk these things out. Have a chat on money-matters. Do you guys need to talk on prenuptial agreements? Sound your would be’s sexual preferences, eagerness etc. Finally, just relax and over a cup of coffee, stare at her or his eyes and see whethere you know that this is the right person for you. That is all. If she is Mrs. Right or you are Mr. Right, you will know it right there.

4.) If you have responded to an ad which wants for a handsome man a convent educated Indian lady with Olympian Muses’ graces, then dump the fellow after you meet him, call him a male chauvinist pig…

5.) If your parents insist on giving a lot of gifts, make sure that there is a sort of legal agreement that if you die anyway within the next twenty-five years then all those jewellery, real estate etc. gets returned to your dad or whoever is his heir. And if you outlive the time, good you can do whatever you want with the heirlooms. But I think you ought not to marry a guy or a gal who is too much stuck up about economics…

Image : Lovely image, thanks!

Does you child want to avoid any particular person? Conversely, is he or she being continually sought by any one person who wants to have time alone with your kid? Is the child scared of anyone in particular? Does she not want to go somewhere at all? Investigate why the person wants to be alone with the baby.

Is your child scared of the baby-sitter or the nanny? Are their bruise marks on the baby’s skin? Is there any chance that the baby-sitter is hitting you child? May be the teacher has hit him? Why is the child then complaining of that nagging ache in his left calf? Do not keep any stone unturned to see whethere someone is getting physically abusive with your child.

Why is it that your child does not want to go to the local hero’s birthday party? They study together. May be some other kid or groups of kids bully your son in the school? May be he or she is ragged daily at school or in the neighborhood park and called a ‘sissy’…check your child’s friends. Do it unobtrusively. May be he or she is being verbally abused. Your kid does not have to be bullied even if you were once a victim. Also remember being regularly bullied does not a strong person maketh. Most kids cannot come out of their childhood bashing alone. They need help to straighten their lives.

Make sure that local cleric who is a family friend is clean. Only uttering the names of God in various cultures may be a sure sign of hiding behind holiness. It is one thing to be a public pastor, but another thing to be a private bugger. So be very careful that your kids are not with the wrong sorts. Pedophilia is on the rise and perverts roam our streets, so be very careful…

Check out the following sites for more help; Help Guide & Kids’ Health.

Read Bitter Chocolate to understand child abuse.

Image: Thanks for the image.

1.) What are the two things in your life which needs to be done now so that you have a better life? Open your word-processor now and write them down like a) I must talk less & b) I must write that novel which I had always wanted done. Your two things must be life-altering. Do it RIGHT now. Do no delay. Don’t even read the next 4 points till you have written those two points.

2) Now, have one method each by which you can attain these two goals, write them down:

a) I shall start to talk less by keeping silent 5 minutes daily.

      b) I shall write for 15 minutes daily.
This will be your way to achieving your goals. Follow this routine for two months and then increment by twice the time. Never hurry, the trick lies in being consistent. Never ever say I give up…only fever or extreme fatigue can excuse you. Be flexible then. Remember routines are for you and not you for routines.

3) Now set down the times:

a) Silence from 10 am to 10.05 am, I shall not speak even good things.

      b) I shall put pen to paper everyday from 10pm to10.15pm , I shall do so within closed doors, no matter what.

4) Be quiet about your new resolutions. Do not yap. Tell none. Talking about resolutions or sharing them with people you know will mostly lead to failures. Remember the struggle is within and you have to take the risk of fighting yourself. Carry a small piece of paper which has these things written down in minute letters. I carry mine on the cell-phone note-pad. Everyday I set an alarm.

5) Use an online facility like Superviva.com to track yourself privately every fortnight. Just spend 5 minutes to check and comment on your progress.

Notes:

The success to change lies in writing down your goals. Mere learning them by hurt or thinking about them won’t help.

I have used two examples. You can use these same methods to change your life.

I have found Jack Canfield’s Success Principles a good help along the way.

Image: Thanks for the right image.

You may be of any faith in the world…if you are from a dualist, monotheistic religion, your religions teaches you of the presence of the demon…if you are from an oriental religion then it also teaches that there are evil forces in the world, may be the unhappy dead…if you are an atheist then this article is not for you, your conceptions of evil are limited to social and anthropological analyses of the matter…

a) Some places exude evil, some places seem uncanny and some places attract death. As there are these dark places on this earth, there are also places where holy men have lived. Men and women who have struggled with evil…visit monasteries, Churches, temples, Sufi dargahs, and fire temples (if you are a Parsi). Make sure that fortnightly you visit consecrated places. Just go there. Just be. Your very being is cleansed in such places.

b) Vampires are those people in our lives who suck out our inner strengths. We are left with nothing to carry one…we feel that God has abandoned us…we feel sapped of strength. Too much worldly company withers us. Go where there are monks staying. The Episcopalian communities also have monasteries. You must have monk/nun pals. You will find them as human as you are and sometimes cheap…but remember they are struggling. There is one crucial difference between them and you. They have a certain objectivity and focus in their lives, a certain habitual detachment…being with really holy people will make you more content and ward off evil.

c) Daily make it a habit to pray for at least five minutes. It need not be formal
prayer, just any would do. “Hello God, please take care of all of us in my family. Thanks.” This would do but do it regularly and consciously…those 5 minutes put yourself in the presence of God. Feel God in front of you with all Her/His majesty. Your life has no coincidences; all that good luck comes from God…say thanks to him whenever you can.

d) Never get angry. Anger is more potent than anything else to open up the gates of Hell. Anger clouds the mind and will destroy you. For anger is the hardest to control. When you feel enraged, first, keep shut and then again keep shut. Not other way. And as fast as you can, run to those holy folks I have asked you to get pally with…things will be fine…

e) If nothing is working and you feel overwhelmed with evil spirits, see a psychiatrist first and then if that too fails, then seek exorcism….

Read daily holy quotations here. This site has two new posts everyday. You can take anyone or both or some previous post and pray/meditate on the words. The site also quotes from Holy Rules of Life and simple precepts for remaining sane in a mad world. You can also use the pictures to aid visual contemplation. The trick is to be regular and making haste slowly.

Watch the Exorcist and The Exorcism of Emily Rose to understand what I mean by evil. Read Graham Greene’s The Power and the Glory to understand the subtler shades of evil.

Image: Thanks for the image!

Never make the other person feel guilty. Just say that you think it the best for both of you to end the relationship. It is cowardly to blame your girlfriend or boyfriend for anything at all once you have decided to split. Just say something like “Sorry, Anne, I firmly believe that we are not meant to be together. But nonetheless I am glad we had what we had…” clam up now and leave the rest hanging. Do not rant. The less said the better.

If there is someone else in your life then never get into how your soon-to-be ex is worse in any way than the newbie. Honestly, admit to yourself first that you just fell out of love. Reasons are immaterial. Just say “Sorry”. Say “I have no answers…there is no comparison between you and him/her…I ask to be forgiven for hurting you…” Tell him/her you would always cherish him/her. Always. Say “Thank you for everything…”

Do not get angry at anything she/he says. Be calm, recollected and quiet. Do not ridicule your ex-partner. She/he too feels betrayed like you do. Remember someday you will miss him/her. Part as good buddies and not enemies. If she cries, be there till she makes the first move away. But do not hold her. Let her understand that she has to be alone now. Empathise with the profoundness of your ex-partner’s grief.

Promise that he or she can count on you to stand by him or her if ever you can help. Tell her that it is ok to call email you if there is an emergency ever. You cannot run away from any human being in need of help. Never abandon chivalry.

Oh, do not forget to say NO to further meetings, calls and parties… but if you have a psycho in hand…just run, run and RUN. Change your cell-number, your primary email and if all fails just call the cops. Am not joking, you must get third-party help. Watch Crush to see what might happen if you are not firm.

Important :

DO NOT WALK OUT OF MARRIAGES. MARRIAGES ARE FOR KEEPS. You must work very hard to keep a marriage alive…everything is NEVER lost in a marriage…Read my post on preserving a marriage. If you think that the new person in your life is better than the one you are married with, you are wrong…I understand that your spouse may be abusive, then go to the police…but DO NOT GIVE UP ON A MARRIAGE.

Read Charles Dickens’ Hard Times to understand what it means to be abused and be trapped in a loveless marriage.

Check out Female First for cool insights into the dynamics of relationships. I thank them for the pic.