5 steps to avoid pit-falls in arranged marriages

 

In many parts of the world where hitherto arranged marriages were reserved for those who failed to find their own matches, arranged marriages are making a come-back. In the African and Asian subcontinents, arranged marriages are the norm. In fact, normal marriages where spouses choose each other on the basis of love are often rejected as frivolous in many societies. Each system of marriage has its own pros and cons and the debate regarding which is the better option will never be over. Instead of going into the dynamics of an arranged marriage, I’d rather tell you hot to avoid some human thorns which might be hiding somewhere.

1.) If you are a woman and the guy or his folks ask you what are your qualifications, then it is tolerable and normal questioning in these circumstances. But become alert the moment you are asked to sing, dance or in anyway exhibit yourself. These folks will later on treat you as a family trophy. God help you, if you ever fall ill and refuse that song which your mom-in-law loves to hear in company. So my advice is: Run from such a family.

2.) When you meet your spouse, for once lie to know the truth about her or him. Before you do so I suggest you read Robert Browning’s My Last Duchess. Read it till you understand what is happening there. Then the lies will become glib and will sound real. Tell your would be groom or bride that you had sex, affairs and what not J with so many. Say that you love to flirt with others. Mind you, you must observe the other person’s facial expressions. Too casual, the fellow’s a lech, surely. Too serious, become weary; you may be talking with a psycho. The normal reactions range from a breakdown to anger and if the guy is good forgiveness. Then tell him the truth — why you said what you said. Refer him to my blog. Jokes apart, be very sensitive to the nuances of your woman or man while you try to provoke jealousy. This is very crucial to any marriage. Jealousies end good marriages. See Omkara & Othello.

3.) Go out quite a few times with your intended and try to quietly discuss your future and his futures. See whether they match. Talk out future career plans. If you are a very well organized man and she is not so at all, then there will be major friction down the line. So talk these things out. Have a chat on money-matters. Do you guys need to talk on prenuptial agreements? Sound your would be’s sexual preferences, eagerness etc. Finally, just relax and over a cup of coffee, stare at her or his eyes and see whethere you know that this is the right person for you. That is all. If she is Mrs. Right or you are Mr. Right, you will know it right there.

4.) If you have responded to an ad which wants for a handsome man a convent educated Indian lady with Olympian Muses’ graces, then dump the fellow after you meet him, call him a male chauvinist pig…

5.) If your parents insist on giving a lot of gifts, make sure that there is a sort of legal agreement that if you die anyway within the next twenty-five years then all those jewellery, real estate etc. gets returned to your dad or whoever is his heir. And if you outlive the time, good you can do whatever you want with the heirlooms. But I think you ought not to marry a guy or a gal who is too much stuck up about economics…

 

Image : Lovely image, thanks!