Never make the other person feel guilty. Just say that you think it the best for both of you to end the relationship. It is cowardly to blame your girlfriend or boyfriend for anything at all once you have decided to split. Just say something like “Sorry, Anne, I firmly believe that we are not meant to be together. But nonetheless I am glad we had what we had…” clam up now and leave the rest hanging. Do not rant. The less said the better.
If there is someone else in your life then never get into how your soon-to-be ex is worse in any way than the newbie. Honestly, admit to yourself first that you just fell out of love. Reasons are immaterial. Just say “Sorry”. Say “I have no answers…there is no comparison between you and him/her…I ask to be forgiven for hurting you…” Tell him/her you would always cherish him/her. Always. Say “Thank you for everything…”
Do not get angry at anything she/he says. Be calm, recollected and quiet. Do not ridicule your ex-partner. She/he too feels betrayed like you do. Remember someday you will miss him/her. Part as good buddies and not enemies. If she cries, be there till she makes the first move away. But do not hold her. Let her understand that she has to be alone now. Empathise with the profoundness of your ex-partner’s grief.
Promise that he or she can count on you to stand by him or her if ever you can help. Tell her that it is ok to call email you if there is an emergency ever. You cannot run away from any human being in need of help. Never abandon chivalry.
Oh, do not forget to say NO to further meetings, calls and parties… but if you have a psycho in hand…just run, run and RUN. Change your cell-number, your primary email and if all fails just call the cops. Am not joking, you must get third-party help. Watch Crush to see what might happen if you are not firm.
Important :
DO NOT WALK OUT OF MARRIAGES. MARRIAGES ARE FOR KEEPS. You must work very hard to keep a marriage alive…everything is NEVER lost in a marriage…Read my post on preserving a marriage. If you think that the new person in your life is better than the one you are married with, you are wrong…I understand that your spouse may be abusive, then go to the police…but DO NOT GIVE UP ON A MARRIAGE.
Read Charles Dickens’ Hard Times to understand what it means to be abused and be trapped in a loveless marriage.
Check out Female First for cool insights into the dynamics of relationships. I thank them for the pic.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sviIBhyJZ_g&feature=related
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“I understand that your spouse may be abusive, then go to the police…but DO NOT GIVE UP ON A MARRIAGE.”
This is so utterly stupid, in so many ways, that words actually fail me.
Climb aboard, your failboat has arrived.
This is absolutely the fail boat. … I’ll try and add some non-suck to this post.
When ending a relationship with any real person it is important to provide that person closure, don’t clam up or mix messages because it will make it harder for them to process later. Be as open and honest as possible about why things have come to where they are. Your reasoning may be very simple and you don’t need to go into all the details of what a person did that hurt you – sometimes it is honestly the case that you just fall out of love. If there is someone else, tell the other person. They may well feel betrayed and hate you, but they have every right to their own feelings when you provide full disclosure. Offering less than the truth is provided a disservice to the other person. It is insulting and potentially damaging. If you want to maintain some level of a relationship, but do not have romantic feelings for the other person anymore, do not try and control their feelings but do set personal boundaries. Saying that you want a friendship with a person and then failing to be there for them when things are difficult for you will only hurt the possibility. To say or act upon a set time frame (such as giving a person a week to grieve and then cutting contact if they are still processing the position they find themselves in) is demeaning. It unintentionally sends the message that the counter party is not entitled to their feelings. In the end, ending a long term relationship is akin to recognizing a death, both the death of your feelings, likely some time ago, and the death of another person’s feelings and the relationship that cannot be avoided now. Everyone has a right to grieve for that kind of a loss and will do so in different ways, but dishonesty and mixed messages increase the complexity of dealing with those changes. If you do not feel that you can be there for the other person, set boundaries at the beginning “I really value you as a person, but we both see that this is not working and breaking things off will be difficult for both of us. I need space in order to move forward. Lets take care of splitting apart and then grab coffee in 3 months, 6 months etc. to see that we are ok. I do not and will not want a relationship with you again, but you do mean lot to me and after i get past this we will see what may happen in terms of a friendship, i just can’t be that for you now.” If you don’t even want this, or have ill wil towards your partner, then make the break cleaner, don’t offer these types of windows or comforts, but be honest so that they can go off on their own understanding what happened and free to not make the same mistakes they made with the relationship that is ending. If the relationship is abusive physically, emotionally, or otherwise if it typically near impossible to change the other person’s actions, because they have to recognize what they are doing and actually want to change (not simply say they want to change). You are better off extricating yourself from this type of a relationship, even if you love the other person deeply. This situation is known as Stockholm Syndrome – after a period of time when another person hurts you and provided you affection and comfort repeatedly, you depend on that person to be your rewarder and punisher. If can become very difficult to make decisions for yourself because you are depending on this person to hold all of your boundaries. Start by making decisions for yourself if you need to, do things for yourself and build up the strength to leave the abusing relationship, the other person if controlling you through fear of their aggression, need for their support, and the love you feel you have for them. Once you leave, you will realize that the only part of the relationship that was worthwhile was the love, but it was tainted and not a reason to stay.
My brief attempt to correct the crap written on this page. let me know if it helps.